


How Could...

by jonsasnow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow Spoilers, F/M, olicity - Freeform, post 4x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5403938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonsasnow/pseuds/jonsasnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 4x09 Drabble.</p><p>Oliver is reflecting on how he could ever survive without Felicity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could...

**Author's Note:**

> ~ SPOILERS ~
> 
> That is if you haven't seen Arrow's Season 4 Midseason Finale yet. So don't read on if you haven't.
> 
> Otherwise, go on ahead and thank you so much for even reading to begin with.

How could moments of pure bliss be predated by moments of unyielding terror? How could a future in one short second come shattering down into a million different pieces? 

It was something to be said that Oliver Queen could still feel pain and fear to its fullest capacity even after everything he had gone through in the past six years. It spoke volumes of his humanity; of his bottomless ability to love; _yet_  Oliver didn’t want to feel it anymore. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted the fear to stop clawing at him. He wanted everything to disappear - everything _but_  her. Oliver would do whatever it took to hear her call his name one more time. He would trade in his humanity just to feel the touch of her lips against his. 

What use was he if he couldn’t? What was the point of enduring everything he had done in the past six years to only fail when it counted the most? For once, Oliver wanted something for himself. For once in his life, Oliver wanted to be _selfish_ , and for awhile, he was, and he had been so blissfully happy with Felicity. In those five months, he had even deluded himself into thinking that his past would stay where it was and that he could finally get the girl and the life he had always wanted. That was when Oliver had dug out the ring - his _mother’s_ ring; he was ready. He was ready to settle down with Felicity now and forever. He was ready to let go of the weapon he had become - the identity of the Arrow that he had clung to because he had nothing else worth living for. Felicity had changed all that. She gave him a new purpose. She made him believe that the warring sides of his identity could live as one man and Oliver had strived to reconcile those two sides so he could be the man that she deserved. 

But _now_... After feeling the slight murmur of Felicity’s heartbeat underneath his fingers, Oliver didn’t think either identity could survive without Felicity Smoak. She was Oliver Queen’s girlfriend, his fiancée, his future wife, and she was also the Green Arrow’s partner. His teammate. She was the opinion that Oliver trusted above all else. Felicity was as much apart of him as he was apart of her. They were two broken pieces of something bigger than themselves and it had been too easy to lose themselves in the world that they lived in, but together, fitting into each other’s jagged edges, Oliver and Felicity found themselves a new identity. They rose above their demons and their self-doubts and shed away their past. As a team, they forged together a new beginning. How could he possibly do _any_ of that without her? How could Oliver have a future where Felicity did not? 

There were many moments in Oliver’s life that had brought him to his knees. Many loved ones that had passed on so unfairly into the darkness. Every day, Oliver thought of them - of his parents, of Tommy, of Shado - but every night, he would come home to Felicity and he would remember why he was the one standing and not them. She showed him a better way. A better version of himself - someone Oliver actually liked when he looked in the mirror. And proposing to her tonight in front of all of Star City, Oliver was promising her that he would always try to do right by her. He would always try to be a man worthy of her love.

How could he fulfil those promises without her? How could Oliver ever be anything more than a shadow of what could’ve been without Felicity’s hand in his? 

“Oliver.” 

He didn’t turn. His eyes were locked on Felicity’s, listening to the EKG reassure him that she was still there. 

A hand reached out to touch his shoulder and Oliver flinched.

“Oliver, she’s going to be fine.” When he didn’t respond, he could hear Thea sigh. “Okay. We’ll be outside if you need us. All of us. We’re all here for you andFelicity.” 

He was grateful that they were all here. He knew Felicity would be too. But it didn’t matter. His mind held onto only one thought:

He didn’t need them. Oliver needed Felicity.


End file.
